Nightmares and the state of me

[xp_wallflower]

Halloween was not good for me.

I’m not sure I’ve ever talked to any of you in detail about what happened to myself and Hope while we were
Guests of the Baron.

Hope’s story is her own, I won’t be telling that here today.

My story however...

I was tortured. Kept awake and forced to operate on young mutants. I still have nightmares and I still have to remind myself that what is around me is real. I thought that diving into my work and less time for emotions would be the best solution.

I don’t know that I was wrong entirely. I’ve been accepted for a Fellowship in Emergency medicine, it gives me purpose and a place to be every day where I get to help others.

I don’t know that I’m good for anything else.

I’m in therapy, have been for a very long time now on and off. It’s not that I’m not aware of the issues.

I’m just very tired. It’s hard to do the work every day. It’s hard to stop going cold.

Comments

[xp_dagger]

I am sorry and thank you for sharing. Remember to take time for yourself. Something I am constantly reminding myself as well

[xp_wallflower]

It’s a day to day thing. The urge to go cold is hard to fight but I’m trying. It doesn't help that my father was a similar piece of work as the Baron.

[xp_trance]

We survived. We are still here. We are still fighting for what we believe in.

He did not beat us. Never forget that, Laurie, even if we still struggle.

[xp_wallflower]

I do. Halloween just brought up a lot I need to process again. At least work makes it easier.

[xp_cyclops]

This is the kind of trauma that really just sticks with you and it's hard to move past. We all have our nightmares, our Barons. That's the problem with the life we lead, it leaves us with demons.

If you ever need to talk I'm always around.

[xp_wallflower]

Thank you, Scott. Maybe not so much talking, but if you’re up for some training I could use being physically worn out enough to sleep.

[xp_cyclops]

I think we can manage that

[xp_artie]

Have you considered that maybe being a doctor is not a good choice for you, since it's, well, tied into massive trauma and that possibly doing more doctor work is only going to exacerbate that?

Like, christ, go work as a short order cook or something instead.

I don't want to be the one putting a bullet in your head over this.

[xp_wallflower]

It may seem like that’s the answer but I’ve wanted to be a doctor since I was young. I won’t let the Baron or anyone else deny me that dream.

I was honestly doing fine till this setback.

[xp_cypher]

i'm just saying, crass as it sounds, i think ex-boyfriends have dibs in that case

[xp_artie]

seems fair.

[xp_wallflower]

Don’t let me stop you but maybe joking about murdering your ex whatever the reason isn’t a good look?

I’m aware things ended poorly between us but the last I looked I wasn’t planning on shooting you in the head.

[xp_cypher]

i have plans for everyone going bad

including myself

never said it's not messed up but yeah

[xp_tarot]

He was not joking and of course you would not do that.

if Doug goes evil that is my job.