What is it going to be?

[xp_wallflower]

Seriously. Firstly I'm told that trying to compare myself to people who've been training longer then I have is an exercise in futility and will just make me feel inadequate. And then I'm told if I don't go into situations where I'm going to get my ass handed to me and thus somehow learn a valuable lesson in being inadequate, I'll never survive outside.

Which one is it people? Make up your damn minds already. Either you want me to use everything in my power to try to be as good as everyone else, and that includes using my powers in order to compensate for the fact that I'm not the best person in a physical fight. Or, you want me to learn at my own pace and in my own way, which means not putting myself in situations where I'm just going to be made to feel inadequate and stupid.

I'm allowed to learn differently to others. I'm allowed to fuck up in my own ways, and learn from that. Stop trying to make me like you. I'm not you. I won't ever be you. So stop telling me just how much being me the way I am is useless and stupid because I'm really not into being made to feel that way.

And yes, I'm very wordy. I like to talk things out, it's how I do things.

Comments

[x-wildchild.livejournal.com]

Dude, chill. Its both of those things, kinda. Do you have, like some kind of condition where you take everything people say in like, the worst way possible?

You can't go around being all like "I suck because I can't kick ass like so and so." but you also can't be like "I'm not gonna try this thing until I'm good at it." You gotta be willing to lose to learn how to do things. You gotta be willing to be BAD at something to find out if you're any good at it. You gotta fall on your ass sometimes. Ask your mom how many times you fell on your ass learning to walk.

You learn self-defense without your powers because sometimes your powers aren't gonna WORK on people. I mean, dude, there are people -here- who your powers don't work on.

Nobody's saying you gotta learn just like everyone else. But a lot of people who know A WHOLE LOT MORE THAN YOU DO about things are saying that your attitude prevents you from learning like, anything at all. Mostly because every time we think you've got your head on straight you go and make some fucked up post like this and sound like you think you're smarter than everybody.

[x-wallflower-.livejournal.com]

I'm not saying I'm smarter then people, and I'm well aware of how to fail. Doug's put me on my ass more then enough times. What I'm not interested in is giving people a stick with which to beat me. I don't trust them not to use the contest as some sort of 'you'll never be as good as us so just quit' bullshit bullying tactic. So no, I don't put myself in that situation and won't till I'm sure that's not what they're doing.

[x-wildchild.livejournal.com]

Dude, why do you think this is about bullying? Do I LOOK like the kinda guy to let myself get bullied?

I mean, ignore the shiner today, that's my own fault because I still farking miss feints but that's the whole point.

[x-wallflower-.livejournal.com]

Cammie and Logan mostly right now. I just...I don't know. I have enough problems thinking I'm good enough without people telling me I need to suck it up or die. It feels like being bullied. I'm sorry, I know that sounds like I think my teammates are monsters, and that's not what I really think but I'm scared too. What if everyones just waiting for me to fail so they can kick me off?

[xp_daytripper]

Since when was Cammie on the team? And Logan's like that with everyone. If you can't trust your team to be there for you in training, how the fuck can you trust them to be there in the field?

Yeah, you really do need help. Doug trains with you too, doesn't he? Over at the dojo? Get him to bring you to the Danger Gym one evening and we'll give you a workout and some pointers. We might even feed you after ;)

[x-wallflower-.livejournal.com]

I'll ask at our next training. That's tomorrow if that's not too soon.

[x-wildchild.livejournal.com]

Dude, do you seriously have something wrong with you where you hear one thing and it goes into your brain as "You suck you suck you suck, we're tricking you into failing so we can kick you off the team?"

[x-wallflower-.livejournal.com]

Maybe? What if I'm never any good with the fighting stuff?

[x-wildchild.livejournal.com]

Okay, I'm gonna go beat my head against my fridge for a while and then come back and explain, cause I'm not a shrink so I'm totally allowed to beat my head against things when friends say dumb stuff.

[x-wildchild.livejournal.com]

Okay now that I'm done with the metaphoricalish head pounding.

Okay, dude, there's competent which is what you need to be, and there's good, which is different. You need to be competant. You don't need to be like, total ass kicker class of 2009. I mean okay, who do you think you need to be as good as? Me? I'm REALLY GOOD at this. Garrison? He has a magic fighting chip in his butt and he's really good at this. Logan? Dude, just... no. Dude.

[x-wallflower-.livejournal.com]

I guess Garrison and Logan? Sometimes it feels like it's the only way to get them to accept me.

[x-wildchild.livejournal.com]

Okay, so if you gotta be as good as them to pass, why am I on the team? They both still kick my ass pretty often.

[x-m.livejournal.com]

Seriously, dude, what he said.

I'm completely SHIT at fighting people if they're moving or not invulernable. Too much of a chance that I'm going to miss-judge that knife hand and kill them.

Once they stop moving, yeah, I'm useful. Or if you want to use me as bait. Possibly if you want me to go slamming through a crowd like a giant bowling ball. But one on one? I'm not good at that, because I still can't be sure that I won't accidently smash all their internal organs when I go for a punch.

We've all got different strengths and right now, I probably trust your hand to hand more than mine, because you won't go "whoops! I just smashed your skull because I finally managed to put my hip into that punch the way I'm meant to."

[x-wolverine.livejournal.com]

You need a sparring partner who can take those kinda shots, lemme know.

I heal and you can't break me.

[x-m.livejournal.com]

That'd be awesome. Thanks, mate. And hey, call me on it, if you catch me doing anything that could kill a normal person. I want to be learning technique that can do that lets me do that accidentally.

[x-wolverine.livejournal.com]

Wilco.

Set me a note when you want to give it a go.

[x-m.livejournal.com]

I will.

[x-cannonball.livejournal.com]

Pa had me wear steel toed boots. Then you don't have to be so good.

[xp_daytripper]

You're right, Laurie, everyone learns their own way and their own pace, and seriously, if you're taking what Cammie says as "everyone" telling you you're stupid and useless, well, try going back and re-reading some of the bits where she's into beating people up for fun and gets stabbed on a regular basis.

Compared to Kyle and Logan, yeah, you're not even close to being a fighter. Fuck, compared to them, I suck, and I've been doing the training for the Trenchcoats a lot longer than you and I've had Pete and Remy and Wanda and Betsy and Bishop and even Logan handing my arse to me on a regular basis. Having it pointed out that you aren't as good a fighter as someone who's been doing it for most of their lives or who has a mutation that makes them a natural brawler isn't telling you you're inadequate and stupid. It'd be the same as me saying that you're all deficient because none of you but 'Yana can do a lick of magic.

But you can't hold yourself back and say that you prefer to be "tested only when I'm sure of what I'm doing". Self-defence and combat isn't like learning a language or doing science - you can be perfect in the dojo and then freeze up the first time you get hit in the face out in the field, or you can be shite at formal stuff and do fine when you have someone trying to beat you up. That's what people are having trouble with, not the fact you can or can't (or will or won't) beat the shite out of someone, because if you only want to do something when you're sure you're good at it, one of these days you're going to find yourself trying to protect a teammate or someone else, find your powers aren't up to snuff and be up Shit Creek.

All that being said, if you want to practice with someone who isn't going to make you feel like you're being graded, I'm not on the team and I while I'll give you a decent fight, my powers don't give me an advantage unless I deliberately use 'em. Just let me know, yeah?

[x-wildchild.livejournal.com]

OOOH OOH CHICK FIGHT!

... sorry, I had to say it. Please don't make me eat death curry.

[xp_daytripper]

What, punish you for being a teenage boy? Would I do that?

[x-wildchild.livejournal.com]

I have like, five months left before I gotta be all in my 20's and crap. I'm totally spending this time in a worthwhile manner.

[xp_daytripper]

Beware delivery boys bearing gifts. *eg*

[x-wallflower-.livejournal.com]

Please. I do desperately need the help.

[x-bishop.livejournal.com]

Don't bring me into this. I haven't trained people since the PD and I won't have anyone thinking otherwise.

[x-catseye.livejournal.com]

Who told you you were useless and stupid for learning different from other people and not being like everyone else Laurie? I want to go and tell them they are wrong because they are veryverywrong. Learning different does not mean you are useless or stupid and anyone who says so is not someone you want to talk to because they are not your friend.

[x-scorpion.livejournal.com]

She thinks I did, I'm sure.

Which wasn't really what I was saying, but I don't really care what she thinks. May as well own up to myself here though.

[x-wallflower-.livejournal.com]

You have a way of saying things that come across badly at times, but I do the same. I'm sorry if I took what you said in a way you didn't mean.

[x-scorpion.livejournal.com]

First off, yeah, you're allowed to learn things differently. Secondly, you take everything I say seriously you might just drive yourself insane. If you're not there already. Which it sounds like you are.

However, the attitude of 'not going to do it unless I'm sure I'll win' doesn't teach you jack shit. And that's not about kicking ass. That's about learning in general.

Also, what Kyle said. Powers don't work on everyone. Christ, I'm not even sure what you do other than have a poor choice in body soap.

[x-wildchild.livejournal.com]

Laurie has pheromone powers. Basically she can give people the sick or make them like her or give them boners or something. I'm not sure how it works, except that sometimes it makes her sweat purple.

[x-scorpion.livejournal.com]

Ha! I suppose a group of guys running away with text books covering their shame would put a quick end to any fight.

Huh. Have to wonder if it would work on me. I'd say no. Pheromones are just chemicals, right?

[x-wildchild.livejournal.com]

I dunno. They're body chemicals so I mean, so if you get tired or like PMS it might still affect you.

[x-scorpion.livejournal.com]

I get tired. But I haven't ever had PMS, that I know of. I think Dr. Grey said something once about my body canceling out imbalances? I don't get adrenaline rushes or crap like that either. Which I know from experience. So I suppose it's up in the air.

[x-wildchild.livejournal.com]

She might get on the ones you still have then. Hunger, fatigue, that kinda thing. I know she can put the hungry-whammy on me even after I just ate.

[x-wallflower-.livejournal.com]

Hormones, my power works on hormones. There's an explanation Jean gave me but even I don't fully get it yet.

[x-wildchild.livejournal.com]

Dude, I got a C in Biology. I'll pass. You make chemicals and they make me go sleepytime. That's all I need to know.

[x-wallflower-.livejournal.com]

It's a button I didn't know I had till now, I guess. I'll try to take you less seriously in the future? As to my power, it's probably easier to show then talk about if you trust me to demonstrate.

[x-scorpion.livejournal.com]

Given what Kyle said, I'd bet a lot of money that you couldn't affect me at all.

[x-wallflower-.livejournal.com]

I'm not sure, to be honest. What I do isn't a toxin. I'm not sure how your biology works.